lavenders & thoughts

hiii there :) I had my final exams for FA1, MA1, and FA2 a few weeks ago and FUNNY THINGG was that I was sick the whole week. PHEW it was so tiring. I had a horrible health condition on the last day of my exams- gratefully the night that it ended. I was sweating the whole evening and the world was spinning so much- cried and cried I did :') Last last tu my parents asked my uncle and cousin for help and they picked me up from Cyberjaya huhu. So we went to the clinic la, and apparently, it was because I resisted the pain of my cold during the Finals week and it bawled up immediately after I finished- and I was dehydrated too.. so I got a shot! and it felt soooo much better that I wished for more shots.  The dizziness and spinning stayed around for another week after that and I'm feeling much much better now. I also went to a dental clinic because I had mouth ulcers and SENSITIVE (STILL very very sensitive) teeth- and it was either stress-induced or hormone-induced. I honestly thi...

It's July the 10th. I just prepared a hot honey lemon drink=VITAMIN C!!! honestly feeling mentally exhausted... So I actually began staying at a residence near my college since 16th of June and gosh that's like nearly a month since I left things unsaid on the blog. My CAT timetable has been absolutely packed and surprise surprise! my finals for the 3 papers; FA1, MA1, and FA2 are starting this monday. yes. THIS MONDAY.  I hope everything goes well :')    Currently working through as many exercises that I can and as of now it's a good studying progress, alhamdulillah.  I spent most of the day in the library- and I tell ya, it was coldd. Also borrowed an exercise book there so I'm gonna get ready to do that. Bye

do you know how people always say "just be yourself" but they end up complaining about how you are? this, for one has been a thought i reminisce over allll the time. #1. ignore those complaints- but not completely. remember, no one is perfect. not me, not you, just no one.  That's why I say, "not completely". Who's to know that in their complaints- there are things that'll push yourself to be a better person. Improve but still love yourself. #2. being a "better person" is not for the society. be.a.better.person.for.YOU.  You have a whole life ahead of you, and you'll be growing along with the time. And through all that, you'll understand more what being a better person for yourself means. #3. don't  hold on to only "just be yourself". I'm not saying you can't be yourself, because that my dear is good! but it's dangerous when you solely hold on to that. Don't let it get in the way of ne...

I've been loving listening to some youtube channels while studying so I just wanted to share some of my favourites! To note, I'm more of a calm music person so too much makes me lose tooooo much focus. So yea here it is: *not numbered by ratings* #1. youtube: halidonmusic My go-to for classicals Chopin, Vivaldi etc. My current  personal favourite would be: Classical Music for Brain Power - Mozart #2. youtube: asmr rooms For background sounds!! -the LOTR's background all the way for me; Lord of the Rings Inspired ASMR - Mirkwood - Woodland Realm Ambience with river, rustling leaves UHD #3. youtube: Andrela-Chxn I've only recently discovered this channel, but there are a few other mixes like this- the exact perfect vibe I wanted 🙋 I'm actually listening to this one right now, I love it!! 1 hour of kpop piano music | s t u d y & r e l a x | that's all for now hehe, thanks!

So... I got a scholarship! The best thing is that- it's at my dream university and the exact course I want. Alhamdulillah.  - oh that would be Sunway College, CAT-ACCA. I've actually started my online classes, it was early April. So far I've had 6 tests in total for the 2 subjects I'm currently taking; FA1 and MA1. Am I worried? hella YEA! the min requirement for my scholarship is 65% and we've been having past-faced classes for this whole month. Alhamdulillah my wifi is all good so I'm not having many problems in that case, just tired sometimes. But I'm not complaining, I chose this course and I knew how it might be. Plus, I can't tell you how much I enjoy learning all this! I've also joined a volunteering club at Sunway- in which I applied for an IP Programme (it's like being sub-directors) and got selected yeay! I had a video interview with them actually, so that was a new experience... I got so nervous tho 😰 I'm now an IP of...

It's been so long. I think it was hard for me to write anything because I was always feeling the need to adhere to "blog writing standards", I'm not even sure what that really is but I guess I was just pushing myself to write well. But now that I think about it, who cares really. It's my blog and I'm not here to expect people to read it. I should just let myself write the way I enjoy it. It's kinda hard honestly because there are times I'm filled with thoughts or opinions but then there'll be days where I just can't do anything or think much at all. So whoever stumbles upon my blog and thereby along with my thoughts, please bear with me :) End reflection: enjoy doing things your way. you don't have to ikut orang lain to be great.

how have you been doing? I absolutely did not realize how long I've left without posting anything here (not that anyone would mind). This past week has just been normal days, with news of the Movement Control Order once again extending for another 2 weeks. All in all, if it's for the best I have no complaints. Besides that, I also received an email stating that I'll soon be starting my online classes for the CAT papers I'll be taking this year so preparing my mentality for this is one of my biggest aims for now. Other than that I've also applied for a few online classes through edX ; The Science of Happiness and Tsinghua Chinese: Start Talking with 1.3 Billion People. Unfortunately, I haven't gotten around to taking a break from Twitter but my mind is slowly losing interest in it- we'll have to see in a couple of days. On deactivating Instagram: I feel happier no cap. My insecurities and worries have lessened drastically since I'm not comparing...

do you not miss the laughter? It's been a few days since I've gotten off Instagram and it has been great so far except for the fact that I haven't gotten started on removing myself from Twitter. I'll have to find more motivation and determination to do that soon. My two cents on the current COVID-19 outbreak:  - I'm terrified- of all these lives lost and that there's all the possibility of my close acquaintances getting infected and I believe that all I can do now is to hope for the best while doing my part- #stayathome - Frustrated at those who choose to block out all the warnings and go on to NOT #stayathome . Although I'm angered I believe it's not done well to the mental capacity of such a person like me who tends to keep it in. There's definitely been a positive change in that since I got off Instagram. - I read that domestic violence has drastically increased since the Movement Control Order began, and so has the struggle of most peop...

have you ever yearned for a new start? Today, I deactivated my Instagram account for the first time. I've wanted to do this for quite a long time but it had never gone well, but this time I felt that I needed the proper break rather than wearing myself out with this sheer force existing in me to constantly, daily take a short look at what's going on in there. More so now than before, I want myself to be truly happy without having to feel like I need to live up to other's expectations. To feel the necessity of having to post a story or a post so that others would know what I'm up to but being conflicted at the thought that I might be sharing too much- I do not want that anymore. It's these thoughts and worries that harm me in more ways than anything else could and it is in my own best wishes that I am able to come back stronger, build myself through this absence of one less social media platform (which I hope will grow to become more) and allow myself to truly ...