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inner struggles

 i feel like such a failure. little things going wrong, or not being the student i hoped to have been. i'm overreacting ik, but i think that i should validate my own feelings. i get so many advices from my family- constantly repeating that that one thing did not make you a failure and i do understand that, but when my feelings overwhelm me it's so hard to think of it otherwise. this is the one factor that's always caused me to fall ill before/ during or after exams and it's been this way for as long as i've known myself. i don't study as much as my peers do, i think. and since my sleep cycle is commonly 10pm-6am, sleeping early makes me feel so insecure about myself compared to my friends who stay up the night to study. but ik i shouldn't be and that we all have different studying methods. nevertheless, when there are so many doing one thing and i'm not it makes me feel terrible.  many times, i'm too hard on myself and i wish i wasn't. 
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dear khadijah,

dear khadijah, a future letter entry. i'd just like to say how proud i am of you. of the journeys you've ventured and the emotions you've encountered. there may be days when you feel that all your accomplishments are just little specks of dust and inferiority overwhelms you, but i'm here to say that today i feel proud and that you can too. that feeling when you look at yourself in a hotel mirror, where you see your flaws enhance what beauty you have and you simply indulge in a feeling of self-worth and self-love, i'd like it if you remember that image.  while you may feel you lack, i remind you that it is beautiful to be you <3  with love & hugs, khadijah
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finals week ft. a cold

hiii there :) I had my final exams for FA1, MA1, and FA2 a few weeks ago and FUNNY THINGG was that I was sick the whole week. PHEW it was so tiring. I had a horrible health condition on the last day of my exams- gratefully the night that it ended. I was sweating the whole evening and the world was spinning so much- cried and cried I did :') Last last tu my parents asked my uncle and cousin for help and they picked me up from Cyberjaya huhu. So we went to the clinic la, and apparently, it was because I resisted the pain of my cold during the Finals week and it bawled up immediately after I finished- and I was dehydrated too.. so I got a shot! and it felt soooo much better that I wished for more shots.  The dizziness and spinning stayed around for another week after that and I'm feeling much much better now. I also went to a dental clinic because I had mouth ulcers and SENSITIVE (STILL very very sensitive) teeth- and it was either stress-induced or hormone-induced. I honestly thi...
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yo

It's July the 10th. I just prepared a hot honey lemon drink=VITAMIN C!!! honestly feeling mentally exhausted... So I actually began staying at a residence near my college since 16th of June and gosh that's like nearly a month since I left things unsaid on the blog. My CAT timetable has been absolutely packed and surprise surprise! my finals for the 3 papers; FA1, MA1, and FA2 are starting this monday. yes. THIS MONDAY.  I hope everything goes well :')    Currently working through as many exercises that I can and as of now it's a good studying progress, alhamdulillah.  I spent most of the day in the library- and I tell ya, it was coldd. Also borrowed an exercise book there so I'm gonna get ready to do that. Bye
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the better you

do you know how people always say "just be yourself" but they end up complaining about how you are? this, for one has been a thought i reminisce over allll the time. #1. ignore those complaints- but not completely. remember, no one is perfect. not me, not you, just no one.  That's why I say, "not completely". Who's to know that in their complaints- there are things that'll push yourself to be a better person. Improve but still love yourself. #2. being a "better person" is not for the society. be.a.better.person.for.YOU.  You have a whole life ahead of you, and you'll be growing along with the time. And through all that, you'll understand more what being a better person for yourself means. #3. don't  hold on to only "just be yourself". I'm not saying you can't be yourself, because that my dear is good! but it's dangerous when you solely hold on to that. Don't let it get in the way of ne...
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highlight: study music

I've been loving listening to some youtube channels while studying so I just wanted to share some of my favourites! To note, I'm more of a calm music person so too much makes me lose tooooo much focus. So yea here it is: *not numbered by ratings* #1. youtube: halidonmusic My go-to for classicals Chopin, Vivaldi etc. My current  personal favourite would be: Classical Music for Brain Power - Mozart #2. youtube: asmr rooms For background sounds!! -the LOTR's background all the way for me; Lord of the Rings Inspired ASMR - Mirkwood - Woodland Realm Ambience with river, rustling leaves UHD #3. youtube: Andrela-Chxn I've only recently discovered this channel, but there are a few other mixes like this- the exact perfect vibe I wanted 🙋 I'm actually listening to this one right now, I love it!! 1 hour of kpop piano music | s t u d y & r e l a x | that's all for now hehe, thanks!
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what's up with me?

So... I got a scholarship! The best thing is that- it's at my dream university and the exact course I want. Alhamdulillah.  - oh that would be Sunway College, CAT-ACCA. I've actually started my online classes, it was early April. So far I've had 6 tests in total for the 2 subjects I'm currently taking; FA1 and MA1. Am I worried? hella YEA! the min requirement for my scholarship is 65% and we've been having past-faced classes for this whole month. Alhamdulillah my wifi is all good so I'm not having many problems in that case, just tired sometimes. But I'm not complaining, I chose this course and I knew how it might be. Plus, I can't tell you how much I enjoy learning all this! I've also joined a volunteering club at Sunway- in which I applied for an IP Programme (it's like being sub-directors) and got selected yeay! I had a video interview with them actually, so that was a new experience... I got so nervous tho 😰 I'm now an IP of...
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