lavenders & thoughts

 i feel like such a failure. little things going wrong, or not being the student i hoped to have been. i'm overreacting ik, but i think that i should validate my own feelings. i get so many advices from my family- constantly repeating that that one thing did not make you a failure and i do understand that, but when my feelings overwhelm me it's so hard to think of it otherwise. this is the one factor that's always caused me to fall ill before/ during or after exams and it's been this way for as long as i've known myself. i don't study as much as my peers do, i think. and since my sleep cycle is commonly 10pm-6am, sleeping early makes me feel so insecure about myself compared to my friends who stay up the night to study. but ik i shouldn't be and that we all have different studying methods. nevertheless, when there are so many doing one thing and i'm not it makes me feel terrible.  many times, i'm too hard on myself and i wish i wasn't. 

dear khadijah, a future letter entry. i'd just like to say how proud i am of you. of the journeys you've ventured and the emotions you've encountered. there may be days when you feel that all your accomplishments are just little specks of dust and inferiority overwhelms you, but i'm here to say that today i feel proud and that you can too. that feeling when you look at yourself in a hotel mirror, where you see your flaws enhance what beauty you have and you simply indulge in a feeling of self-worth and self-love, i'd like it if you remember that image.  while you may feel you lack, i remind you that it is beautiful to be you <3  with love & hugs, khadijah